A (School) Year in Review

In light of recent events, transitioning from school to summer and being really sick (i'm talking nausea, chills, sleep all day kind of sick) the last few weeks or so, i've been really off my game.

so to catch you up on where I have been lately, it's here: thinking and reminiscing on the blessing of what this last school year was for me.

so, without further ado, i give you (my) school year in review:

september:

i got to spend the better part of september training to be an RA at SPU and then about a month later being joined by my babies residents (i liked to call them babies but they didn't like it as much). it was quite the privilege to serve with my RA Staff despite our ups and downs and my floor, man, for them, there are just no words. these women blessed me beyond what I deserved. we may have been small but we were fierce.

october:

ah, october. a beautiful time filled with ferry rides, retreats to Camp Casey, skipping rocks, sitting around campfires and making new friends. oh, and being really *happy* campers, of course(hah!) i miss those faces.

november:

a time for going and coming home. a reminder to be thankful and a time when you can share your city with your family. what could be better?

december:

a time for missed train rides (and making the best of them), the festival of lights with my beautiful family and a time for celebrating (¡21!) in the city of my birth

january:

a time to stress while watching football games and subsequently celebrate the Seahawks Superbowl Championship. a time to get out of the city and a time to celebrate snow (!!!) and most importantly a time to reconnect with old friends and to remember the gift of life. life is short and a privilege, let's not forget that.

february:

a time for adventure, trying new things and making new friends and a time to grow in patience as planes got delayed, flights got cancelled and we were sent to Las Vegas in the middle of midterms. did i mention it was a time for adventure? hah! in all seriousness though, february was more about intentionally learning about the things God's heart cares about like shalom and reconciliation.

march:

a time for rest and to reconnect with my family and more importantly my favorite little man, a time to learn about what love does and a time to explore new places.

april:

phew, april! what a month. april was a time to step outside my comfort zone and campaign for a student government position at my school and a time to celebrate when i won (!!) running in an election was the scariest thing i've ever done but also the most humbling thing i've ever done. it's crazy for me to think that people actually believed i could represent them well and for that i am so thankful. aside from the election, april was a time to explore new and familiar places with friends :)

may:

a time to celebrate a good year and to look towards a new one, a time to suck it up and pay for the ticket to the concert of your favorite band (needtobreathe) that you really, really wanted to go to and a time to enjoy it. a time to be thankful for the blessing of a floor that you got to share life with this year (something you too often took for granted)

 a good month.

june:

a season that was "supposed to be normal," and how i wish it had been. a hard season but more than that, a season more so defined by how a community responded to a tragedy and a season to mourn but also dance because though the events of that tragic day changed those of us who were a part of it, they also reminded us of the gift of life and that love wins. that life is still good and that light shines in the darkness and the darkness cannot understand it. 

overall, this year was a beautiful one. a year that i did not and could not have made happen on my own, but instead, one where God guided my steps and was evident, a year where i was stretched beyond my own limit, and where i learned and grew a lot.

i can't believe this marks my third year at SPU and that just one year from now I will have graduated (eek!)

however, if the last three years are any indication of what's to come, i know that one year from now, i will be looking back on my four years saying with full confidence, God has been good and all manner of things have been good.

yes, indeed, God is good all the time.

and all the time, God is good

xoxo,

Elizabeth

currently listening to: hide away by ben rector

Moving Forward, Not Moving On

These last few weeks have been some of the hardest and darkest weeks of my life.

Today marks three weeks since the school that I attend experienced a school shooting where one of my classmates was killed and three others were left wounded and since that day I haven't been the same.

As much as I want to believe that what happened on that Thursday was just a bad nightmare and that it wasn't real, i'm forced to enter into a new reality because the events of that day were real and they fundamentally changed my life.

June 5th, 2014 will forever be marred with memories of sorrow; my friends crying, holding each other up, sleeping together because the thought of sleeping alone was too much to bear and my school gathering in corporate worship and prayer to mourn together.

Memories of grief.

These last five years (for me) have been filled with sorrow, with deep, deep sadness as i've lost family, friends and classmates, year after year without ceasing and not just to natural causes but to disease and car accidents, things that I just don't know how to make sense of.

So when I first heard news of the shooting my initial response was numbness; emotional desensitization and I was really good at it for a while.

I put on a brave face and I sat with my friends in their shock and their grief, listening to story after story about where people were when it all happened.

I can't do it anymore.

The reality is that the place that I have come to call home these last three years did experience this and no matter how much I want to remove that from my memory, to close my eyes and cover my ears, nothing will ever stop that from being true.

This week my baby cousin of eight months and two other family members of mine passed away.

And before I could even begin to be angry at God (like I have been) or to ask why, I learned news of something else: My aunt had her baby (my cousin) this week too.

You see, no matter how much I want to be cynical and bitter, she is a reminder to me of the gift of life.

Death comes and people pass away but life also comes and brings us newness of life.

So I hold on.

I take a deep breath and take heart because maybe, just maybe, that's my answer.

Though the events of that tragic Thursday shook me to the core and left me with many unanswered questions, I must not forget my history with God. I must remember how He saved me from death and called me into life and I must not forget that He is the Crucified and Risen King and that means that evil and death do not and will not have the final say.

I must remember that God is with me and for me and I must, must, must remember that life is fragile and a gift.

Not a privilege, not something that we deserve, but a gift.

At some point we have to begin to move forward and for me that time is now.

I will choose joy because I refuse to be eaten alive by grief. One day at a time, one step at a time, moving forward.

Not moving on, not forgetting what this circumstance has taught me but moving forward and remembering to never take anything for granted.

"One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock. Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord. Hear my voice when I call, Lord; be merciful to me and answer me. My heart says of you, “Seek his face!” Your face, Lord, I will seek. Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, God my Savior." (Psalm 27:4-9 NIV)