it is well.

Tonight I am really grateful and I want to express that.


I feel as though I am the only person on campus as I sit here with my coffee and a book open to write my paper and most days I would be really upset at myself for that, but i've been thinking lately how balance isn't really a thing.
Sure, there's a level where we all need to take care of ourselves but there's also a part of me that says, well, it's not that simple. We have good days and we have bad days and sometimes days are fuller than others, but all are good, even when they're bad, because each day we have the opportunity to live our lives as witnesses to the good work that Jesus prepared far in advance for us to do and so, some days are going to be like this one and i'm going to be up late working on homework, but that is a gift because I am alive and have the promise that I am not alone.
I have life and I get to do everything as an act of worship and reverence to my God.
And that is really sweet.
Tonight, as I write this paper for my theology class, I am reflecting on how that almost didn't happen. I could have very well decided not to study theology and not to have listened to all the voices that told me to consider it.
But then that wouldn't be nearly as fun and not nearly as formative.
So though it's late and i'm all alone, it is well.
"And whatever you do,whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17
Amen.

restless

Oh God, my God. Please come near. God of Jacob, God of my parents and family, please draw near.

God, I need to know that you hold me and cherish me and call me yours, even now.

God my mind, it envelopes me and it overwhelms. God, good and faithful God, it's 2 am on Sunday, the Sunday where we await your resurrection anxiously but I can't help but think of everything but you, God. 

Instead my mind wages wars against me and I cannot move what I believe to be true about you into my heart.

God, my God, please draw near and lend your listening ear.

God, the words of Paul come to mind. Please take them as an offering:

" I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me." (Romans 7:15-23 NIV)

Lord, please forgive me. Lord please take me, shape me and redeem me.

In your name.