Hi God,

Thank you for today.

Thank you for rest and sleeping in and for my bed.

God, so often I forget what a gift it is to even have that when so many other people in the world--in my own backyard--don't have one to sleep on.

God, be with those individuals tonight and give them warmth, comfort, hope.

Father, thank you also for nature, wind, rain and the leaves that make up this season.

I'm constantly astounded by you and how you crafted the earth and everything in it.

I guess what I'm saying Lord, is thank you.

For being faithful and loving but also God.

Lately, I question so much--safety, good and evil, mankind's ability to live in peace and harmony--and whether we'll ever fully be able to live into reconciliation. The world seems to me to be falling apart and then I read about you and your acts in the Old Testament and I just feel so overwhelmed by both your mercy and righteous anger. And it's both challenging and humbling. Jesus, I want to be okay with not knowing and have greater faith to trust you enough not to question why you do things the way you do. But I also want to have the kind of relationship with you where I'm also not afraid to ask. Not afraid to question or push or challenge you but not from a place of fear, or pride or righteousness because all that I am is because of you and all that I have is yours. Lord, not mine. Not my doing or my merit or my standing but all because of you. Because you called me forth into being and for you my life was made.

So Lord, would you be kind to me?

Would you lend your ear and be patient with me. God, I want to serve you so bad. To love you with all my heart, soul, mind, strength and to love my neighbor as myself (a conversation for another day) and put blood, sweat and tears into any work I do. But day to day, it's hard.

I'm impatient and rude with people. I'm ungracious with my housemates or inconsiderate of others. I think terrible things or forget to take care of myself. I get distracted and want to be lazy or I just plain want to take the easy route.

Lord, in your mercy, please do kindly by me. Please remember how you call me beloved daughter and friend and please continue to make me yours.

God, all my days, I want to spend with you. All my heart, I want to fill with you.

disposables // #1

In an effort to discipline myself from my daily use of my iPhone camera, documenting everything, all the time, as I tend to do, I've committed to documenting my year with disposable cameras. Already, i'm finding this to be really hard because I can't take a photo of everything since a disposable camera only has so many exposures on it. And even when I do take a photo, I can't look at how it turned out right away and retake it if need be, because what's done is done. I've also found it really rewarding though! There's something so fun about raw film, edited with nothing but natural light.

Anyway, here we go, the first of many to come:

A Letter to the Lord

Loving God,

Thank you for this day. Thank you for the smell and sound of rain, for people who wake up early to make me coffee with a smile and a "how are you?".

It really means the world.

Thanks also for Fall, God! It's truly one of my favorite seasons.

And God,

Today especially, thank you for your relentless love.

God, it all just hit me super fast, one minute I was fine, and the next I felt like it was all crashing down on me.

It's hitting me today too Lord. That I can't do it on my own and that i'm not supposed to. That you didn't design us as machines to operate nonstop and without breaks but that you designed us uniquely and creatively to be salt and light to the earth but also to live out of our Belovedness as sons and daughters and not to get our worth out of our work-how much we do or who people say that we are.

So today Lord, would you draw near? Would you give me the strength and food I need to live this day faithfully, not out of a desire to be known for my own sake or to do my own will but yours, Lord?

On Earth as it is in heaven, give me, give us, Your ears to hear things the way you do, Your eyes to see what we would otherwise be quick to ignore and Your hands to do your work.

Lord, all that I am, I lay it down.

Amen.